SRL Archive - English/L.O.T.E

http://pastebin.com/EvC9tuMc



Tell me what you think. :)

http://pastebin.com/wuSfqSsC

I made some edits, fixed some grammar issues, and added some fluff.

Biggest issue is still the "ones". Especially when you use one as the audience and as a number in the same sentence.

You could change it to something like this:

If one is observant enough they might notice two sets of stairs, onea set leading down to the depths of my basement and one another set leading upstairs to the family area.

You can't describe the railing as white then say it used to be white!

Alongside the stairs there is a white spiral railing. One can tell the railing was white at one some point in time, but the paint has been chipped away by hands grabbing onto it as they go down the stairs, leaving behind the black underwire.

OR

Alongside the stairs there is a spiral railing that appears to have been white at some point in time. The paint has been chipped away by hands grabbing onto it as they descend the stairs, leaving the black underwire exposed.

This one is a little awkwardly formed.

There are veryThe house consists of plain white walls masked by a sea of photographs. to see the white walls you have to move a wall of photos. The re is a vast array of colors; it all seems to blend together, like a soldier’s camouflage blends in with their surroundings.

Just the main things that stuck out to me :)

Very descriptive though :thumbsup: