SRL Archive - English/L.O.T.E

From: Sandstorm
Salvador, Late or Early

“Inside that body too small to contain the hundred balloons of happiness, the single guitar of grief, is a boy like any other disappearing out the door, grows small and smaller to the eye, dissolves into the bright horizon, flutters in the air before disappearing like a memory of kites.” I believe this quote shows that, in the book “Salvador, Late or Early”, Sandra Cisneros tried to portray Salvador as a lonely, angry child. I believe Salvador is a very lonely, angry person, because he helps his mother do just about everything, especially with taking care of other children, and on top of that, he’s almost completely alone, and had an abusive family or father.

I believe that Salvador is a lonely child for many reasons; first and foremost being that he helps his mother with just about everything. In the story it says “Helps his mama, who is busy with the business of the baby,” as well as “shakes the sleepy brothers awake, ties their shoes,” and “is a boy who is no one’s friend,” among others. This leads me to believe he is a lonely child because he basically manages everything for his mother, so she can take care of the baby. He has no time for himself, and has no friends to support him.

This leads me to my next reason; he’s almost completely alone. He has no friends, and nobody notices him. “Salvador whose name the teacher cannot remember, is a boy who is no one’s friend,” this quote implies that he is beneath everyone’s notice, and tells us he is nobodies friend. The quote “inside the throat that must clear itself and apologize each time it speaks,” tells us that he’s underneath everyone so much that he has to apologize whenever he speaks, just to get people to listen to him. As well as this, the quote “Grows small and smaller to the eye, dissolves into the bright horizon, flutters in the air before disappearing like a memory of kites. “ could be a metaphor for his childhood, if read alongside this quote “the single guitar of grief, is a boy like any other disappearing out the door.”

My third reason is that he’s probably had an abusive family or father at some point in his life. The quote “inside that forty-pound body of boy with its geography of scars, its history of hurt,” tells us that he was physically hurt in some way, probably quite badly. It could be taken to mean he was a very angry, aggressive person, or that he had/has an abusive family. I think it’s more likely that he had an abusive father, because if he was aggressive enough that he could have a “geography of scars,” and “history of hurt”, I think people would probably have noticed him.

For these reasons, I believe that Salvador is a solitary, angry child, who was pushed into the role of the head of the family early in life, cut off from everyone, with no friends or family to support him, and was quite probably beaten as a little boy. I think Salvador is, while being solitary and angry, a very mature child as well. He takes what the world throws at him without complaining, even if it means being alone and under a massive responsibility!

This is an essay I had to write tonight (rushed, maybe an hour of work) for English. It's about the story "Salvador, Late or Early", by Sandra Cisneros. Good short story, I'd suggest you read it at some point :D.

Looking for ideas on how to improve it. Also, do you guys think it's too quote heavy?

Constructive criticism only, please.

~Sand

First two paragraphs you used "I beileve" A lot, thats just my opinion , try changing those words around

Salvador, Late or Early

“Inside that body too small to contain the hundred balloons of happiness, the single guitar of grief, is a boy like any other disappearing out the door, grows small and smaller to the eye, dissolves into the bright horizon, flutters in the air before disappearing like a memory of kites.” I believe this quote shows that, in the book “Salvador, Late or Early”, Sandra Cisneros tried to portray Salvador as a lonely, angry child. I believe Salvador is a very lonely, angry person, because he helps his mother do just about everything, especially with taking care of other children, and on top of that, he’s almost completely alone, and had an abusive family or father.

I believe that Salvador is a lonely child for many reasons; first and foremost being that he helps his mother with just about everything. In the story it says “Helps his mama, who is busy with the business of the baby,” as well as “shakes the sleepy brothers awake, ties their shoes,” and “is a boy who is no one’s friend,” among others. This leads me to believe he is a lonely child because he basically manages everything for his mother, so she can take care of the baby. He has no time for himself, and has no friends to support him.

This leads me to my next reason; he’s almost completely alone. He has no friends, and nobody notices him. “Salvador whose name the teacher cannot remember, is a boy who is no one’s friend,” this quote implies that he is beneath everyone’s notice, and tells us he is nobodies friend. The quote “inside the throat that must clear itself and apologize each time it speaks,” tells us that he’s underneath everyone so much that he has to apologize whenever he speaks, just to get people to listen to him. As well as this, the quote “Grows small and smaller to the eye, dissolves into the bright horizon, flutters in the air before disappearing like a memory of kites. “ could be a metaphor for his childhood, if read alongside this quote “the single guitar of grief, is a boy like any other disappearing out the door.”

My third reason is that he’s probably had an abusive family or father at some point in his life. The quote “inside that forty-pound body of boy with its geography of scars, its history of hurt,” tells us that he was physically hurt in some way, probably quite badly. It could be taken to mean he was a very angry, aggressive person, or that he had/has an abusive family. I think it’s more likely that he had an abusive father, because if he was aggressive enough that he could have a “geography of scars,” and “history of hurt”, I think people would probably have noticed him.

For these reasons, I believe that Salvador is a solitary, angry child, who was pushed into the role of the head of the family early in life, cut off from everyone, with no friends or family to support him, and was quite probably beaten as a little boy. I think Salvador is, while being solitary and angry, a very mature child as well. He takes what the world throws at him without complaining, even if it means being alone and under a massive responsibility!

I fixed a run on sentence in the last sentence first paragrapgh.

Salvador, Late or Early

“Inside that body too small to contain the hundred balloons of happiness, the single guitar of grief, is a boy like any other disappearing out the door, grows small and smaller to the eye, dissolves into the bright horizon, flutters in the air before disappearing like a memory of kites.” I believe this quote shows that, in the book “Salvador, Late or Early”, Sandra Cisneros tried to portray Salvador as a lonely, angry child. I feel that Salvador is a very lonely, angry person, because he helps his mother do just about everything, especially with taking care of other children. On top of that, he’s almost completely alone, and had an abusive family or father.

I think that Salvador is a lonely child for many reasons; first and foremost being that he helps his mother with just about everything. In the story it says “Helps his mama, who is busy with the business of the baby,” as well as “shakes the sleepy brothers awake, ties their shoes,” and “is a boy who is no one’s friend,” among others. This leads me to believe he is a lonely child because he basically manages everything for his mother, so she can take care of the baby. He has no time for himself, and has no friends to support him.

This leads me to my next reason; he’s almost completely alone. He has no friends, and nobody notices him. “Salvador whose name the teacher cannot remember, is a boy who is no one’s friend,” this quote implies that he is beneath everyone’s notice, and tells us he is nobodies friend. The quote “inside the throat that must clear itself and apologize each time it speaks,” tells us that he’s underneath everyone so much that he has to apologize whenever he speaks, just to get people to listen to him. As well as this, the quote “Grows small and smaller to the eye, dissolves into the bright horizon, flutters in the air before disappearing like a memory of kites. “ could be a metaphor for his childhood, if read alongside this quote “the single guitar of grief, is a boy like any other disappearing out the door.”

My third reason is that he’s probably had an abusive family or father at some point in his life. The quote “inside that forty-pound body of boy with its geography of scars, its history of hurt,” tells us that he was physically hurt in some way, probably quite badly. It could be taken to mean he was a very angry, aggressive person, or that he had/has an abusive family. I think it’s more likely that he had an abusive father, because if he was aggressive enough that he could have a “geography of scars,” and “history of hurt”, I think people would probably have noticed him.

For these reasons, I beileve that Salvador is a solitary, angry child, who was pushed into the role of the head of the family early in life, cut off from everyone, with no friends or family to support him, and was quite probably beaten as a little boy. I think Salvador is, while being solitary and angry, a very mature child as well. He takes what the world throws at him without complaining, even if it means being alone and under a massive responsibility!

Beileve

[PHP]Main Entry: believe
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: assume or suppose
Synonyms:
conjecture, consider, credit, deem, expect, feel, gather, guess, hold, imagine, judge, maintain, postulate, presume, reckon, sense, speculate, suppose, suspect, take, think, understand[/PHP]

:)

I've always been taught to remove Personal Pronouns from an essay.

So "I believe that Salvador is a lonely child" would be "Salvador is a lonely child"

Are you supposed to cite the quotes ?

I'll read through it more and edit. How picky is your teacher, and what are your expectations ?

Main Entry: 	think
Part of Speech: 	verb
Definition: 	contemplate
Synonyms:
	analyze, appraise, appreciate, brood, cerebrate, cogitate, comprehend, conceive, consider, deduce, deliberate, estimate, evaluate, examine, figure out, have in mind, ideate, imagine, infer, intellectualize, judge, logicalize, meditate, mull, mull over, muse, ponder, rack one's brains, rationalize, reason, reflect, resolve, revolve, ruminate, sort out, speculate, stew, stop to consider, study, take under consideration, turn over, use one's head, weigh
Antonyms: forget, ignore, neglect 

Main Entry: 	believe
Part of Speech: 	verb
Definition: 	trust, rely on
Synonyms:
	accept, accredit, admit, affirm, attach weight to, be certain of, be convinced of, be credulous, be of the opinion, buy*, conceive, conclude, consider, count on, credit, deem, fall for, give credence to, have, have faith in, have no doubt, hold, keep the faith, lap up, place confidence in, posit, postulate, presume true, presuppose, reckon on, regard, rest assured, suppose, swallow*, swear by, take as gospel, take at one's word, take for granted, take it, think, trust, understand
Antonyms: disbelieve, distrust 

http://thesaurus.reference.com/

It helps quite a bit, not being rude. I could help with essays.

@Camaro - I was unaware at the time I wrote the essay that I wasn't supposed to use the words I or We or Us, etc. I'll be removing them tonight.

@R!ch!e - She's not TO picky, but I'm going to talk to her about citing the quotes and other stuff pointed out here, and that I've seen. I'm not sure if I have to cite them, as they're all from the story itself.

@JunkJ - Don't worry about it, and thanks for the link. I can't use the word I anyways xD. I asked for help and constructive criticism, why would I get mad?

Thanks for all the suggestions guys, will make sure to read them over thoroughly when I go to edit them!

~Sand

From: Sandstorm
@Camaro - I was unaware at the time I wrote the essay that I wasn't supposed to use the words I or We or Us, etc. I'll be removing them tonight.

@R!ch!e - She's not TO picky, but I'm going to talk to her about citing the quotes and other stuff pointed out here, and that I've seen. I'm not sure if I have to cite them, as they're all from the story itself.

@JunkJ - Don't worry about it, and thanks for the link. I can't use the word I anyways xD. I asked for help and constructive criticism, why would I get mad?

Thanks for all the suggestions guys, will make sure to read them over thoroughly when I go to edit them!

~Sand

OK np :)

Post your new version so i can find more problems (JK :))

From: Sandstorm
I was unaware at the time I wrote the essay that I wasn't supposed to use the words I or We or Us, etc. I'll be removing them tonight.

~Sand

Just a heads up,

Usually if a teacher says to write a persuasive essay, you should not write anything about what you personally believe. Instead, you make good connections, and then simply state that it is true.

A personal essay, on the other hand, uses your opinion, and facts to back up the opinion. This is a case where you would use the words "I think".

Look up the meanings of the words "believe" and "think" and "feel". Never use them interchangably.

"Believe" means that you believe in something, such as believing in God.
"Think" explains your thoughts, "I think it is true" has different meanings than "I believe it is true" because belief can happen without true evidence, where thinking usually involves backing up your thoughts.
"Feel" usually explains your feelings/emotions. "I feel sad about this" "I feel that it was wrong". Saying "I feel that it is right" and "I think that it is right" are two different things. Almost like relying on a "gut feeling" or instinct rather than backing it up with evidence.

Try to emphasize one or the other, and not interchange them just because you used one or the other more.

If you believe something the whole way along, it could mean that you have strong thoughts about it, but don't have as much evidence to pursuade others. If you think something the whole way along, you had better have strong evidence, because thinking usually wont change the opinions, or make for a good essay without the evidence. I personally never say "I feel" during an essay, but it is more likely to show up in a personal essay about an emotional topic (obviously)

Sorry to get off track, but it is something that you should know as you move forward with your writing. Always look up the definitions, and make sure that what you are saying is the right thing.

From: 3Garrett3
Just a heads up,

Usually if a teacher says to write a persuasive essay, you should not write anything about what you personally believe. Instead, you make good connections, and then simply state that it is true.

A personal essay, on the other hand, uses your opinion, and facts to back up the opinion. This is a case where you would use the words "I think".

Look up the meanings of the words "believe" and "think" and "feel". Never use them interchangably.

"Believe" means that you believe in something, such as believing in God.
"Think" explains your thoughts, "I think it is true" has different meanings than "I believe it is true" because belief can happen without true evidence, where thinking usually involves backing up your thoughts.
"Feel" usually explains your feelings/emotions. "I feel sad about this" "I feel that it was wrong". Saying "I feel that it is right" and "I think that it is right" are two different things. Almost like relying on a "gut feeling" or instinct rather than backing it up with evidence.

Try to emphasize one or the other, and not interchange them just because you used one or the other more.

If you believe something the whole way along, it could mean that you have strong thoughts about it, but don't have as much evidence to pursuade others. If you think something the whole way along, you had better have strong evidence, because thinking usually wont change the opinions, or make for a good essay without the evidence. I personally never say "I feel" during an essay, but it is more likely to show up in a personal essay about an emotional topic (obviously)

Sorry to get off track, but it is something that you should know as you move forward with your writing. Always look up the definitions, and make sure that what you are saying is the right thing.

I was not told the type of essay we were writing. We were just told to write an essay.

Thanks for the tips, I'll keep that in mind!

~Sand