SRL Archive - Blogs and Writing

Those who know the secret
Are those who take to heart
The good the bad the everything
And all within to start

Those who know the secret
Are able to be whole
With what life gives and how to act
They live in control

What the secret is you ask
It’s not for me to tell
But knowing it truly could
And would do you well

The secret lies within us all
Look deep into the grind
The power to direct yourself
Of body, spirit, mind

The secret lies within us all
The truth is in us seeking
A pathway out to let us know
It’s all in positive thinking


Ya… that's what I got…
~>anonymity<~

EDIT: post and rate please.

I liked it! You definitely need a better ending though. Also, The last who lines of the third stanza don't seem to flow in my mind. Well Done! I don't think I could write something like this without a ton of time!

im not a big poetry fan… but i kinda like it

From: Tniffoc
The last who lines of the third stanza don't seem to flow in my mind.

Thanks… changed from "To hear it shout a pathway out" to "A pathway out to let us know"….. ya… thanks for the feedback so far.

I just thought it was great cause I would never be able to write that good :P

Ooh. That does flow better; however, I wasn't talking about those lines. I was talking about these. It seemed that you need another syllable in the second line, but I could be wrong.

But knowing it truly could
And would do you well

I don't really know too much about poetry, but I liked it. Voted it was good. Keep up the good work, I'd say.

-Griff

Voted 6…could flow better…good message though.

Who voted 1? That's pretty mean it wasn't that bad.

From: Tniffoc
Ooh. That does flow better; however, I wasn't talking about those lines. I was talking about these. It seemed that you need another syllable in the second line, but I could be wrong.

I agree those lines were for me the difference in a 6 and an 8.

I think it's awesome! :D

y am i so rubbish at english


ure thing is so gd

From: anonymity


The secret lies within us all
Look deep into the grind
The power to direct yourself
Of body, spirit, mind

My favorite part. Keep it up, I am a big poet fan.

Not bad…. In fact quite good….

I do have just one suggestion though. Punctuation is everything!

Without punctuation, the reader can only guess as to how it is meant to scan.
Pauses, emphasis, exclamation, surprise etc all dramatically change the way a poem is perceived..

This poem reminds me of the book: The Secret. Good poem, voted 8!

From: Ron
This poem reminds me of the book: The Secret. Good poem, voted 8!

My uncle, Bill Harris, helped write that book. :)

http://www.centerpointe.com/about/thesecret/

He's quite rich. I love holidays with him.. :D Haha ^^

(Didn't read poem yet; at work, sorry! :) I will when I get home. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I think I'm gonna try to finish my story soon. :) Sorry for the wait! =X)

lol i like the poem, hate the ideas behind the secrit though xP but i wont get into that.

i found it kinda funney how in one line you said the secrit wasnt yours to tell, but in the last you say what it is. breaking the ruless!!

From: lancerawks aka Lance
lol i like the poem, hate the ideas behind the secrit though xP but i wont get into that.

i found it kinda funney how in one line you said the secrit wasnt yours to tell, but in the last you say what it is. breaking the ruless!!

I do too, but I get good presents from that rich guy so whatever, I guess. :D Haha and you're not a sex expert. DON'T TALK ABOUT SEX AROUND LANCE! VIRGIN EARS!

i voted 9 - but whats the secret? :P

I didn't tell what it was… I just explained possibly what it does… ok.. I sort of did… personally I don't like the book or movie… Can't really stand it… but ya thanks.. I was just being bored one day… and kaboom.. that came out..

From: ian.
I do too, but I get good presents from that rich guy so whatever, I guess. :D Haha and you're not a sex expert. DON'T TALK ABOUT SEX AROUND LANCE! VIRGIN EARS!

I R SECKSEXPERT!!
SExPERT!

and ok anonymity, i guess i just didnt read it well enough xP