SRL Archive - Discussions & Debates

I know this is really long but please read i need replies.


Okay, so here's the deal. My dad died when I was 9, I am currently 15 turning 16 in September. My mom has been remarried once, and divorced 4 years later, though she married the man for his large amount of money. I went from living in a 2 bedroom apartment in Portland, to a fancy house in the country with a swimming pool inside the house (Diving board, waterslide, rope swing, hot tub, ect.), but thats beside the point. She divorced him and tried to take his money but failed and only was able to take a little. Lately my mom has become senile and crazy. Losing her mind in fact. We now live in a Duplex that our church pays half for, living off of MY Social Security money from my father (1100$ a month). Now, nurses are in high need right now and my mom just so happens to be a registered nurse, but she refuses to get a job (She had an offer to start out working approx. 57$ an hour) because she hates nursing.

Here are pros and cons of staying with my mother.


Good things about staying with my Mother
- I am fed. (Though I am perfectly capable of making food for myself, in fact I happen to be a rather good cook after taking Foods 1 and 2 at my highschool.)
- My laundry is done for me. (Though I am also capable of this, I had to do my own laundry when i lived in the apartment in Portland.)
- She provides me with physical needs/wants to the right proportion. (Clothes, technological things I ask for, ect.)

These are all the reasons I can think of. If there is a chance I missed something that mothers tend to do please ask and I'll be able to answer if that happens or not.

Bad things about staying with my Mother
- I get left home alone usually daily for up to 7 or 8 hours so she can go do… Things that im not exactly sure of. Sometimes she goes to see her bf's (Yes she has 2… Strange… And one lives in Seattle!?)
- Does not answer her cell phone almost ALWAYS to anyone. That includes when she leaves and I have no clue where she goes or what shes doing which can worry me sometimes.
- Refuses to get a job, like i mentioned earlier, because she doesn't like nursing (Well i dont like going to school but I do it because it benefits me, sorry if you dont like nursing if it pays so much and all you have to do is take a test which you know how to pass because you have been a nurse for 25 years to get your nursing license renewed, I dont care how much you hate nursing you get that job.)
- We are trying to move into a new area because we still live in the city of my ex step father (Who happens to have lost his mind and is now on schizophrenia prescribed pills) and its just a bad place to live (Poor schooling, it also just happens to be one of the top 10 cities for use and production of Meth, and over half of everyone smokes marijuana [Yes, I have smoked marijuana and i did for a long time but quit because it was getting me no where except depression.]) So we are trying to move but my mom makes excuses of why she cant. (My bf is here, well one of them is, I dont have the money, but you can get loans from churches?)
- Neglects me emotionally. Beside the leaving me home alone for hours on end when there is an important topic that we need to discuss such as moving or getting a job or even me getting emancipated she begins to act like a child and (Yes this is VERY true) she plugs her ears, starts to yell "Lalala" and runs to her room and locks it and yells "Go away!" and goes into her room so she cant here me.
- She is on 4, yes 4, different prescribed medications from 4 different doctors and i have suspicion that she over uses the pills purposely. My friend's mom (used to be a meth addict) used to work for us and clean our house when we lived with me ex step father. She has now cleaned up and I have talked to her (Though i tend not to believe a lot of things she says i believe this because i had been suspecting it for a while) she says that she has physically witnessed my mom over dosing the pills.
- Even if that isn't true and she isn't over using them she is still on 4 medications and all 4 bottles say to be careful while operating machinery and driving. Its dangerous with 1 but 4?? And she drives still. I may also mention when she drives she swirves and for some reason ALWAYS drifts to the right into the bike lane before quickly swirving back on to the road.
- She also has a strange habit of being late. Not just a little but REALLY late. Up to 2 or 3 hours. I remember many occasions after my baseball practice everyone would be gone, Varsity, JV, and Freshman all gone and i would be sitting at the main entrance waiting for my mom. On one occasion I sat for 2 hours and 17 minutes i timed it. I tried calling 13 times. She never answered and her excuse was she went to the DOLLAR TREE! For 2 hours at the dollar tree meaning she thought that was more important than her son and I find it hard to believe because the dollar tree is much too little to spend 2 hours in. Also everyday after school i got used to regularly being picked up about an hour after school ended everyday. Or she would send her bf to come get me, luckily he took only fifteen minutes usually.


Well those are my reason what do you think. Should i be emancipated or not?

Do you like your mother?

Well, I can't say I like her all that much. I love her of course and have a respect for her, she was the woman who birthed me, but she has serious mental issues that interfere with my way of living. So the answer to your question is no I dont like my mother.

Wow, that's pretty heavy. Though i don't believe this is the right place to ask. It might be a better idea to discuss this with someone from school( I think every school has a person you can go to to discuss such problems) or maybe social services would be even better. They might actually be able to help you AND your mom. Remember, your mom still loves you. A good idea might be to write a letter to her and explain what you feel. It obviously is hard to admit you are wrong, so it might be easier for her to hear your story without emediately having to admit she was wrong. I hope everything turns out alright, but this is seriously not the right place to ask for help.

Thanks. But i mean i know that, but im not really asking for help just a suggestion. I want to base my next moves off of what i hear. I have talked to many people from my school including councilors. I mean if people think that its a good idea here, then i might take the next step and write that letter to my mother and explain what i think needs to happen.

Your situation worries me. Someone explain me what "emancipated" means.

Emancipation is the process used to release children over the age of 16 from their parents. The reason for doing so is because the child is not being cared for properly or would be taken better care of if on his/her own. Once a child is emancipated his/her parent or guardian no longer legally needs to provide for the child, meaning the child must have the skills to live on his/her own.

Oh. Thank you.
Well, I am in a similar situation to yours. I am too 15, and both my parents are.. Bad people. My father used to hit me and my mother every day for 8-9 years until she divorced him. (Funny I should mention this, I actually met him yesterday and he approached me. That Was scary.) My mother too has her ups and downs, but she is mostly normal for now.

My advice for you would be to be strong the two or three years you've got until you're 18 and independent. 'Cause if you'll get involved with child custody now, it'll follow you in your papers the rest of your life. So, just move your focus on other things and try to ignore your problems. I know it may be hard, but that's the way I've survived, so I'm speaking from experience.

If you were emancipated, would you live with someone? Your mum would probably provide more emotional support for you than the person you live with, if you are going to live with someone anyway. Basically, you have nothing to lose by being with your mother…not much to gain, but nothing to lose.

No i would being getting Social Security money (1100$) plus a job averaging about 800 - 1000$ a month which gives me approx 2000$ a month. I did calculations for basic living, including car insurance gas and everything and i still have about 600-800$ left at the end of the month depending on how much i spend and that could go into a savings account for college. Lol i have a grand total of 600 dollars for college from my dead aunt. My mom has put nothing into the account and the only reason she hasn't spent the money is because its legally bound to me for college and nothing else.

Yea, another option i guess could be to live with my sister, but she is poor and i would feel bad for living off her money.

wow, that really sucks. (no offense)

I would recommend definitely try to communicate in some way with your mother. The letter idea is a good one. If that fails I would look into emancipation and leaving your mother. Don't stick with her if she is going to jeopardize your future - even if she's not likely to do much damage. You need to give yourself as much help as you can get to save for college etc.

Hope I helped, good luck.
~PhantomCode

just look at your pro's and cons list. The cons of staying with her is larger.

- I am fed. (Though I am perfectly capable of making food for myself, in fact I happen to be a rather good cook after taking Foods 1 and 2 at my highschool.)
- My laundry is done for me. (Though I am also capable of this, I had to do my own laundry when i lived in the apartment in Portland.)
- She provides me with physical needs/wants to the right proportion. (Clothes, technological things I ask for, ect.)

you'll be fed with your own money. As you said you can do your own laundry. Since your mom refuses to get a job its not really her thats providing you with anything, its technically your money. I say leave.

From: Dan Cardin
just look at your pro's and cons list. The cons of staying with her is larger.

Yeah, I agree with Dan.
If you can't get your situation with your mother to change you should move out.
The simple fact that you wrote so much more in the Cons shows that psychologically you need to go that way or you will grow resentful and bitter. You need to look out for yourself but not be selfish. You must find balance.

Jesus, i sound like some old jedi or something :D!
But seriously, i hope you get this sorted this out ok.
~PhantomCode

Wow that sucks a lot man thats all i gotta say. I would say do the letter, and bring up that she may be jeopardizing your future and she should get some help with depression. I would also try to hang out with friends more, that helps me a lot and my parents are normal (at least in this sense)…

I would at this point. She is living of YOUR money so you are only losing money and gaining stuff you can do yourself.

Hey thanks for the suggestions guys. I know that talking to her would be best, and I have brought up the topic before, but she never takes me seriously, and when I try to be serious she throws a fit. I'm also a little scared to leave her because my sister has already walked out and left and her and my mom haven't talked since. With all the medication she is on, Im not sure how it will affect her psychologically if I were to leave. These are such complicated situations lol

You sure you aren't a bit too young for that? I would get some help first for you and your mother, then see if the situation becomes better.

i agree with markus your not even 16. try other suggestions first, but if you do leave going on your own wouldnt be smart. atleast live with someone you trust, like family friends etc

You may think it would be better to live on your own but it's probably not as easy as you think for a 16 year old to live on his own and go to work, etc. Besides, I think the mental stress of doing everything yourself would be too much to handle. Anyway, I say just stay with your mom until your 18 and can live on your own without worry. It may be bad living with her but it could be worse living on your own.

My mom has been remarried once, and divorced 4 years later, though she married the man for his large amount of money.

Don't they all.. *points to avatar*

But yeah the cons outweigh the pro's there & if you can find a place to go, take it.

Alright I read your post and I do have a few things to point out to you.

Odds are you will be placed in a foster care if you are fine with that cool not a problem

If you are not placed in foster care then you have to find a place to live.

Now I do not know what rent is where you live but here that 1100$ might get you a place it would if you were our renter but that's because you would be living in our basement.

Now for food if you are on your own you still have to go to school until you are at least 16 not sure bout your states laws but will yuo stay in school and get your degree

If you do stay in school and even if you don't what will be your mode of transportation.

Rent is expensive how will you buy clothes, food, and the like

You said you can do your laundry fine but where will you do it using a laundromat could be as much as 100$ a month depending where you live.

If you can answer those questions I think you would be mature enought to be on your own