rj
2020-01-29 23:49:45
>dropped out of school in 2016
>lost all interest in programming, runescape, league of legends, gaming, friends, family, walked out on shitty jobs telling bosses to go fuck themselves
>lost my girlfriend
>drank hard liqour everyday for almost a year, quit, mild withdrawals barely drink anymore
>abused opiate prescriptions for a couple days, got constipated so I stopped taking them. turns out you can develop dependence inside of a week…. yeah had to stop doing those
>abused xanax, rebounded, abused cocaine can't be crushing 3 8balls inside of a month/got back into xanax to avoid comedown for a month or so -> experienced real withdrawals -> stopped
>smoked meth twice, never thought i'd try it. Only did it because it was with a firefighter that sold me cool ass rare drugs. Was cool, never doing it again don't see how people enjoy being awake for 24 hours not eating then coming down for 3 days with a bloated stomach, aching muscles, anxiety, depression
>created a bucket list of drugs I wanted to try, achieved the list
marijuana, alcohol, adderal, alprazolam/etizolam/clonazepam, valium(benzos), LSD, cocaine, methamphetamine, psilocyben (magic mushrooms) ,Tramadol, morphine, codiene, oxycotin, oxycodone, hydrocodone (opiates) , ritalin ,ketamine (racematic, S+ isomer), phenibut, GHB, 2cb, DXM, lyrica, soma
>Had a good amount of close calls with local LEOs. I should be in jail but I guess I'm good at getting out of shit..I guess not being a fiend and being well spoken goes a long way… Hanging out with first responders in the car helps too
> Lost interest in even going out with friends, turned down invites to do anything now nobody hits me up because im too anxious to even want to hang out with people anymore because I'm the "your doing drugs with me so it's free" guy fuck you
> Turns out I have been diagnosed with manic depression, also known as being bipolar. I don't get addicted to getting high, I make sudden retarded decisions on impulse. Also other potentially irreversible decisions that you may be unable to regret later . Currently attempting to get treated, I have less than 1 year before I'm without health insurance, I can't afford health insurance out of pocket
>Looking around, lots of people I knew that I consider to be considerably more retarded than myself now doing $70k-$80k/year + simply because they stayed in school. Also being not having mentally shit probably helps
How the fuck am I supposed to get my shit together I don't even know were the fuck to begin and I'm just gonna fuck it up halfway through a class because I lose interest
Fields I was thinking of anyway
Networking
Cyber security
software development
I have $ in a college fund, I can go back anytime I want but I feel like the longer I wait the less likely it's gonna happen
I'm not unhappy doing my ~$23k/year job, I have fun and it's not a lot of stress, I'm putting away $, but theres almost 0 brain power required. I can do way better than $23k, I'm wasting years with wasted potential because I can't maintain interest in doing shit I just stop caring
were am I supposed to even start getting back into learning
is there even a point in trying or should I just give up
-rj
>lost all interest in programming, runescape, league of legends, gaming, friends, family, walked out on shitty jobs telling bosses to go fuck themselves
>lost my girlfriend
>drank hard liqour everyday for almost a year, quit, mild withdrawals barely drink anymore
>abused opiate prescriptions for a couple days, got constipated so I stopped taking them. turns out you can develop dependence inside of a week…. yeah had to stop doing those
>abused xanax, rebounded, abused cocaine can't be crushing 3 8balls inside of a month/got back into xanax to avoid comedown for a month or so -> experienced real withdrawals -> stopped
>smoked meth twice, never thought i'd try it. Only did it because it was with a firefighter that sold me cool ass rare drugs. Was cool, never doing it again don't see how people enjoy being awake for 24 hours not eating then coming down for 3 days with a bloated stomach, aching muscles, anxiety, depression
>created a bucket list of drugs I wanted to try, achieved the list
marijuana, alcohol, adderal, alprazolam/etizolam/clonazepam, valium(benzos), LSD, cocaine, methamphetamine, psilocyben (magic mushrooms) ,Tramadol, morphine, codiene, oxycotin, oxycodone, hydrocodone (opiates) , ritalin ,ketamine (racematic, S+ isomer), phenibut, GHB, 2cb, DXM, lyrica, soma
>Had a good amount of close calls with local LEOs. I should be in jail but I guess I'm good at getting out of shit..I guess not being a fiend and being well spoken goes a long way… Hanging out with first responders in the car helps too
> Lost interest in even going out with friends, turned down invites to do anything now nobody hits me up because im too anxious to even want to hang out with people anymore because I'm the "your doing drugs with me so it's free" guy fuck you
> Turns out I have been diagnosed with manic depression, also known as being bipolar. I don't get addicted to getting high, I make sudden retarded decisions on impulse. Also other potentially irreversible decisions that you may be unable to regret later . Currently attempting to get treated, I have less than 1 year before I'm without health insurance, I can't afford health insurance out of pocket
>Looking around, lots of people I knew that I consider to be considerably more retarded than myself now doing $70k-$80k/year + simply because they stayed in school. Also being not having mentally shit probably helps
How the fuck am I supposed to get my shit together I don't even know were the fuck to begin and I'm just gonna fuck it up halfway through a class because I lose interest
Fields I was thinking of anyway
Networking
Cyber security
software development
I have $ in a college fund, I can go back anytime I want but I feel like the longer I wait the less likely it's gonna happen
I'm not unhappy doing my ~$23k/year job, I have fun and it's not a lot of stress, I'm putting away $, but theres almost 0 brain power required. I can do way better than $23k, I'm wasting years with wasted potential because I can't maintain interest in doing shit I just stop caring
were am I supposed to even start getting back into learning
is there even a point in trying or should I just give up
-rj