SRL Archive - Blogs and Writing

well they didnt have a joke section or i just didnt see it so i will just post them here.

these jokes where texted to me by my girlfriends dad.

if there is one that u would like removed as its to rude just ask.

Johnny walks into his parents bedroom and sees his dad giving his mum one, his dad just laughs, throws a pillow at him and shouts "Get Out!" a little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's room, he rushes in and is horrified to see Johnny shagging his gran - Johnny just looks at him and says "Not so fucking funny when it's your mum is it?"

Had a phone call from the pavatotti family, so i got to work. Sheet of mdf £5.65, glue £1.90, handles and screws £1.50, varnish 80p. see u can make a coffin for a tennor

There is a new hire car out in Portugal its a small car and if you can't get all your kids inside you can fit one in the boot. it's called the renault McCann!

Paddy & Mick go up in a small plane. Mick says 2 paddy, " if we turn upside down do u think we'll fall out? Paddy says, "will we fuck, we've been mates for years"

In a crule twist of fate today, the 8 year old boy who weighs 14 stone had his dinner money stolen by school bullies. they bought themselves 4 bikes, a PS3 4 KFC family buckets and a weekend in Disneyland Paris."

A man wakes up & says 2 his wide "i had a wet dream about u last night!" "aww, did u?! she says "yeah, i dreamt u were hit by a bus & i pissed myself laughing!"

there was a cucumber a pickle & a penis. the cucumber says u know wot, wen i get hard ppl chop me up & eat me. Then the pickle says u fink thats bad when i get hard they stick me in a jar that stinks of vinegar. the penis says u 2 get off lightly. when i get hard they put a bag ova my head & put me in a dark hole bash my head against a wall until im sick all ova myself. if thats not bad when i finally get out i faint!"

An irish woman was admitted 2 hospital 2days after having phone sex. doctors managed to remove 2 nokias, 3 motorolas, and 1 samsung but no siemen was found!

Some of those are funny, but offensive.. :\

ok, thats y i said i wanted to get them checked by a admin first, if u want any removed just ask

i love the ones targetting minorities:

Only australians will get these ones, if you are american, substitute aboriginal with indian(i think it should still work).

What do you call an aboriginal in the middle of the road?
A speedbump

what do you call a hundred aboriginals rolling up a hill?
Black magic

What do you call someone who is completely see-through and lying in the gutter?
An aboriginal with the shit beaten out of him.


Northern Territory JokeA Northern Territory farm hand (an Aboriginal) radios back to the farm manager. "Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the ute. The pig's OK, but he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my ute and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out."
The manager says, "Ok, there's a .303 rifle behind the seat. Take it, shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him."
Five minutes later the farm hand calls back, "I did what you said boss. Took the 303, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the bull-bar. No problem there, but I still can't go on".
"Now what's the problem?" raged the Manager.
"Well boss, it's his motor-bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel arch." "… you there Boss?"

thats all i can think of in the aboriginal section… here are some on feminists.

how many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
none, it should be open when she brings it

why do women have smaller feet then men?
Its one of them "evolutionary" things that let them stand closer to the sink.

lol, i like the jokes, hopefully we can get this thread filled with jokes

(not)funny!!:)

sorry its just not funny….

well, it wont be everyones cup of tea, but hopefully we can fill it with jokes everyone likes

How can a joke be offensive?

What I know, offensive means that you get insulted and how does joke who isnt shot directly to anyone insult anyone?

They were all okay, bad thing I dont know any english jokes myself originally.

Lol p good