SRL Archive - Who Are You ? Who ? Who ?

Hi, I am 15 and a sophomore. I have come to a hard discovery that I'm gay and I have just recently accepted it. I have started to figure things out in seventh grade but haven't given it much thought until now (freshman and sophomore year) and it is causing very much stress on my part. No one knows that I am gay except for one person and that is a friend at school that I came out to a few days ago and she was supportive and very helpful. She actually got me four books to read on how to deal with the situation but I am still very confused.

About my parents:

Dad-
My dad, my step mom, grandparents, and others (church) have always taught me that homosexuality is wrong, disgusting, a choice, and an abomination. Just last Sunday, my bible class teacher, who happens to be my uncle, was telling us how bad homosexual people are according to the bible. Over the summer we went out of town and saw many shops and restaurants that were supporting and celebrating gay rights. Every time we passed one my dad and step mom would say that they want to throw up and say "Lets be sure we never support this business". That in itself makes me upset. All of this is the reason why I am afraid of coming out to them. I know I need to tell them soon though because it is causing me SO much stress and depression almost to the point of suicidal thoughts. I really don't know what to do about them. They do not realize that I spend very much time alone doing research or just…crying because of the stress and loneliness. I am afraid that they are going to disown me because of this. I actually saw that some father on yahoo asked if he should put his son up for adoption because he came out to him and almost all of the replies said yes; I even saw one that said that the kid should be whipped or something.

Mom-
My mom does not seem to care whether someone is gay or not. It almost seems like every time the word is mentioned, she says that she really doesn't care as if it is directed toward me like she already knows and she is waiting for me to come out to her. I don't want to disappoint her or cause her to have a different opinion about me because I haven't even hinted anything to her. I am thinking about sending her a long email explaining everything and ask her not to talk to me about it personally unless she really needs to. I am not too concerned about coming out to her.

I really need some advice. Should I come out to more of my friends? Parents? Wait to come out? I really don't want to wait because my stress and depression level escalate daily and it seems like music and being alone is my only escape. I actually get in trouble by my dad for being by myself all the time over at his house. I feel so embarrassed to be around any one of them (dads side).

Help would be appreciated

Thanks so much ,
Freddy

Hey man,

You'll evidently be forced to come out eventually, so there is no real reason to postpone it. Only very very very tiny minority of parents would actually hurt their child even if they do not support homosexuality, and from what you've written it seems as they love and respect you far too much to do that. Truth to be told I think it'd be healthy for them to see that you can be gay and still live a life which appreaciates the values they raised you in. Your parents would be forced to think deeply about the subject and your sexuality may alter their views on homosexuality in general.

If they wouldn't happen to support you, then grow a spine and keep your head up. Its your life, stand up for your ideals and do not feed into anyone who tries to define you. Once you start allowing other peoeple's definition of you to define you, you're in their prison. Control your life don't let your life control you.

I don't mean to sound insulting to anyone's beliefs or anything… But the idea of a Christian (ANY SECT) being against homosexuality bothers me on a fundamental level.

Besides all the comments about how those ideas are portrayed in Leviticus (the book of same and how same things are bad - the same book that says it's a sin to wear polyester) and how that book is of the Old Testament containing old laws and rules - most of which are ignored by all current day Christians. Much more importantly than that is the concept of Jesus. Jesus died for our sins. Not just those of the time, but for all future ones as well. He died to wipe the slate clean and completely overwrite the entire Old Testament, INCLUDING all of Leviticus and any concept of homosexuality being wrong (which was never explicitly said to be a bad thing fully in Leviticus as there were positively mentioned homosexuals within the Old Testament). The idea of ANY Christian being against homosexuality because of the Bible is a straight up affront to Jesus and everything he stood for. ANY Christian that says homosexuality is wrong says that not only do they disagree with Jesus, but they also say he died for nothing. ANY Christian against homosexuality is a Christian that has abandoned Jesus simply because Jesus EXPLICITLY stood against AND DIED to allow homosexuality to be fine. So any Christian against homosexuality… isn't a Christian as they don't believe in Jesus. Jews on the other hand…

As for what you should do, that is up to you. To each is to live their own life and only you understand best what can come of it. But I wish you the best of luck.

From: Kevin
I don't mean to sound insulting to anyone's beliefs or anything… But the idea of a Christian (ANY SECT) being against homosexuality bothers me on a fundamental level.

Besides all the comments about how those ideas are portrayed in Leviticus (the book of same and how same things are bad - the same book that says it's a sin to wear polyester) and how that book is of the Old Testament containing old laws and rules - most of which are ignored by all current day Christians. Much more importantly than that is the concept of Jesus. Jesus died for our sins. Not just those of the time, but for all future ones as well. He died to wipe the slate clean and completely overwrite the entire Old Testament, INCLUDING all of Leviticus and any concept of homosexuality being wrong (which was never explicitly said to be a bad thing fully in Leviticus as there were positively mentioned homosexuals within the Old Testament). The idea of ANY Christian being against homosexuality because of the Bible is a straight up affront to Jesus and everything he stood for. ANY Christian that says homosexuality is wrong says that not only do they disagree with Jesus, but they also say he died for nothing. ANY Christian against homosexuality is a Christian that has abandoned Jesus simply because Jesus EXPLICITLY stood against AND DIED to allow homosexuality to be fine. So any Christian against homosexuality… isn't a Christian as they don't believe in Jesus. Jews on the other hand…

As for what you should do, that is up to you. To each is to live their own life and only you understand best what can come of it. But I wish you the best of luck.

Sorry man, but I disagree with you on that Kevin. Jesus definitely did not die so that we can have a free pass to do whatever we want and sin however we want - but that is a separate issue from whether homosexuality is a sin (as defined by some Christians). My college church did a pretty good sermon on this a year or so ago which I pretty much align with. Here is a link to the audio:

http://www.grace-bible.org/resources/sermons/homosexuality-and-the-righteousness-of-god-southwood

You and anyone else should check that out if you're wondering why some Christians consider homosexuality wrong. I don't want to take over this thread or anything, but I'd love to continue the conversation or answer any other questions over PM if you'd like - hit me up!

From: Ashaman88
Sorry man, but I whole-heartedly disagree with you on that Kevin. Jesus definitely did not die so that we can have a free pass to do whatever we want and sin however we want - but that is a separate issue from whether homosexuality is a sin (as defined by some Christians). My college church did a pretty good sermon on this a year or so ago which I pretty much align with. Here is a link to the audio:

http://www.grace-bible.org/resources/sermons/homosexuality-and-the-righteousness-of-god-southwood

You and anyone else should check that out if you're wondering why some Christians consider homosexuality wrong. I don't want to take over this thread or anything, but I'd love to continue the conversation or answer any other questions over PM if you'd like - hit me up!

I do not mean to do whatever we want and sin however we want. In no way do I mean that we should now abide by our deepest desires and fall prey to the deadly sins (or break the 10 commandments). However, the New Testament did come in place as a newer set of rules to comply with what he did die for however; correct? I see there are some New Testament rules also somewhat similar… But even in many of those cases, they are alternate statements even to the point of the leaders of some sects (Pope - Catholicism) directly making statements 100% against certain sections. Now that by default does NOT apply to all sects, I agree. But in the case of Catholocism (I do now know which sect you belong to and I apologize if I offend you in any way), by default the Pope is supposed to represent the Catholic faith as a whole - and while Catholics are allowed to disagree with him, he is still supposed to be a solid representative of the situation for the Catholic (and only Catholic) faith.

If you want to make further discussion with me, I am more than open to that. I just wanted to make sure I don't publicly [and accidentally] encourage anyone to be a bad person just because Jesus said it was cool (soooooo not what I was trying to say). I am always on Skype after all :p

From: Kevin
I do not mean to do whatever we want and sin however we want. In no way do I mean that we should now abide by our deepest desires and fall prey to the deadly sins (or break the 10 commandments). However, the New Testament did come in place as a newer set of rules to comply with what he did die for however; correct? I see there are some New Testament rules also somewhat similar… But even in many of those cases, they are alternate statements even to the point of the leaders of some sects (Pope - Catholicism) directly making statements 100% against certain sections. Now that by default does NOT apply to all sects, I agree. But in the case of Catholocism (I do now know which sect you belong to and I apologize if I offend you in any way), by default the Pope is supposed to represent the Catholic faith as a whole - and while Catholics are allowed to disagree with him, he is still supposed to be a solid representative of the situation for the Catholic (and only Catholic) faith.

If you want to make further discussion with me, I am more than open to that. I just wanted to make sure I don't publicly [and accidentally] encourage anyone to be a bad person just because Jesus said it was cool (soooooo not what I was trying to say). I am always on Skype after all :p

Yeah I get what you're trying to say (and no offense taken) - I'll shoot ya a message man

I don't have much to go by right now, but I'll try my best:
You're saying you're stressed about this: That is not a good sign. Psychologically it is a great burden of your not to be "allowed" to tell anyone, but let me be perfectly clear here; you will not change just by wishing so. This is who you are and self acceptance is the number one priority in your situation right now.

You have to accept yourself and think about yourself only.

I cannot stress how important that statement is. You have to feel it deep inside your spine: Being gay is NOT wrong in any way whatsoever. Do NOT let ANYONE tell you otherwise. Ignore those who do; think of them as the poor souls they are. You have to understand that the universe as you perceive it would not exist if it weren't for you and the person you are: YOU are at THE CENTER of the universe. Everything revolves around you: You are the most important person in the whole world! Without yourself, you wouldn't even read this text. When you first learn to accept yourself deep inside, then you'll also understand that it does not really matter at all what the others think.

I don't think you should rush this matter, but don't postpone it too much. First off all you have to think about yourself and your own needs; if you don't feel like coming out and the thought of it stresses you then you have to work on talking to yourself and the girl you are talking to about this matter. Talking about it is the number one recipe for self-acceptance. If you feel like it then you can even talk to a psychologist about it.

Remember to be strong. Feel the earth moving around YOU when you walk on the ground. It is not you that move and rotate on this planet, it is the planet itself that is moving when you walk on the ground.

Always remember that you are your number one priority in life; no matter what the issue is. It should not matter what the others think of you: Expect them to accept you whenever you tell them you're gay.

Things like this really boggles my mind. I hate the fact that homosexuals are looked down upon in our society. Fuck homophobic people.

E: Also, if you're already past the point of self-acceptance then I'd guess my post was somewhat meaningless. The next step then is to talk to people about it. Just find *someone* to talk to (like this forum, I guess). Go to reddit.com/r/gay or wherever and just talk about it. It really does help.

Erm, this guys thread is just a copy + paste from yahoo answers.

Sorry to ruin some good debate. :redface:

@Zyt3x; and @Kevin; you just got trolled.

InB4RuneHack?

From: elfyyy
InB4RuneHack?

Hey now let's not accuses every new person with suspicions introduction threads of being runehack. ;)

But you're probably right.

From: abu_jwka
Erm, this guys thread is just a copy + paste from yahoo answers.

Sorry to ruin some good debate. :redface:

@Zyt3x; and @Kevin; you just got trolled.

I'm confused… 95% of my conversation was with Ashaman, I only dedicated one line to him, that doesn't seem like a huge troll :p

Lol, fuck that guy.

From: Kevin
I'm confused… 95% of my conversation was with Ashaman, I only dedicated one line to him, that doesn't seem like a huge troll :p

Yeh but dat first para doe… And then that led to the rest of it :p

From: Zyt3x
Lol, fuck that guy.

LOL. Butthurt XD

Lol figured it was fake, 2 posts and his second being this…

From: [XoL]
Lol figured it was fake, 2 posts and his second being this…

I just thought he had more problems than usual, and that's why he sought help on a programming forum. Turns out I was kind of right!